Osho Sannyas- Initiation into freedom

As I was cleaning my closet yesterday, I stumbled upon an old diary . Going through it I found pages which quote my experiences in my first  seven days Osho meditation camp in Osho Tapoban, an international meditation retreat ashram in Kathmandu, Nepal.This is how it read –

“This is the second day in the Osho Tapoban and it was a very long day….so long that I don’t remember what happened in the morning and afternoon. Its ten in the evening now and I have mixed feelings, or no feelings as if water was poured over me and washed everything over me and now in the evening I am already dry and there are no recollections of either the water or the dirt that was washed…..

Osho has strange techniques of meditation but everything he is suggesting us to do in meditations is theoretically very much linked to what I have read in his books. And celebrations in the evening are so joyous around here. We celebrate as if this were our last moment on earth and this thing is transforming me…..slowly….it feels very good….it has never happened before, as if a heavy weight in me , I was carrying for years, has been lifted off…and for this my love for this man Osho is growing .

And about this small commune here….people are keeping a distence from new-ones like me. Those who are staying here as sannyasins have long hairs and beards J) …some do have compassionate eyes, others seem to be confused about why they are there….and over the day many times I feel like leaving my world and entering into this world of sannyasins forever but when I see these sannyasins living as family , with the same bondage of the social relationships , same jealousy, same gossiping on the breakfast table , same heirarchy and respect to the higher and neglect to the lower , same subtle waves as of the rotten world which I so much yearn to abandon, I don’t see any impulse to do so now…..but I don’t know…its been only two days here….may be someday in these seven days , something suddenly, a satsang and I get transformed into a sannyasin, living in this celebration forever, living with Osho forever…

I am realizing, my very thought of being enlightened is troubling me. During Vipassana , I had made up my mind for some more births before it would happen but as I started reading Osho books, enlightenment as he said is a phenomenon of milliseconds….and this has made me anxious, has agitated me to start running after it …..

I was going towards right direction…..was afraid because I could see nobody walking with me towards there…..and in that fear I have come here in Tapoban…..i feel good though, the very nature of meditation here being celebration, I feel nice to celebrate, dance everyday and every evening…..and it may take many lives for liberation but who is going to ruin that many lives , I would meditate and celebrate this way as many lives it takes….and I would try to be free, like in my childhood, playing and pondering in solitude….i would love to celebrate and be free wherever I am……”

I don’t have further notes written during those seven days camp . It is obvoius why . There simply was not any need…the questions were slowly vanishing and the camp was going more and more crazy as the energy built up , the celebration were more ecstatic and I ended up becoming an Osho sannyasin , Swami Dhyan Saurav, on the last day , it was Guru Purnima evening ,July 29^th, 2007……as I remember back the camp now , 4 years ago, it was one of the most beautiful weeks of my life….

- Swami Saurav